The Strangest Patents That Will Get You Up and Out of Bed

Innovation takes many forms—some of them quite humorous and unconventional, especially when it comes to inventions designed to wake us up or keep us awake. Let’s explore some of the most amusing patents that could either jolt you out of slumber or keep those eyelids from drooping.

The Alarm Clock That Packs a Punch

Imagine waking up not to the sound of a beeping alarm, but to a physical nudge—or rather, a smack. Samuel S. Applegate’s 1882 invention did just that. His “Device For Waking Persons From Sleep” was a wall-mounted alarm clock connected to a wooden frame holding light wooden blocks above the sleeper’s head. When the alarm sounded, the frame dropped, and the blocks hit the person in the face. Talk about a rude awakening! This invention, while not exactly a gentle nudge, certainly ensured that oversleeping was not an option.

Pierced Glasses: A Vision of Pain

Fast forward to 2004, and we have John Rose’s patent for a pair of glasses that would make anyone cringe. These weren’t your typical spectacles; they were frameless glasses that attached directly to the face via studs that pierced through the nose. While this invention might keep you awake out of sheer discomfort, it’s doubtful anyone would opt for this over a standard pair of glasses.

The Greenhouse Helmet: Breathe and Stay Awake

Another peculiar invention is the “greenhouse helmet,” a headgear designed to create a personal micro-environment. While the details are sparse, one can imagine the stimulating effect of having a mini-greenhouse atop your head. Whether it’s the increased oxygen levels or the odd looks you’d receive, this helmet could potentially keep you very awake and alert.

The Concussion Alarm Clock: A Block to the Head

Another invention from the 1880s, the “Concussion Alarm Clock,” took a similar approach to Applegate’s device. It featured a frame with cords and soft wood or cork blocks that, when triggered by the alarm clock, would fall and hit the sleeper in the face. It’s one way to ensure you wake up with a bang—or at least a bump.

A Better Cereal Bowl: Crunch Time

Not all inventions are about startling you awake; some are about keeping you awake, like the “Better Cereal Bowl” patented in 1993. This device kept your cereal crispy by portioning it into the milk-filled bowl below at intervals, preventing the dreaded sogginess. After all, nothing wakes you up like the perfect crunch of your morning cereal.

In-the-Car Coffee Maker: Brew on the Move

And for the parents on the school run, there’s the 1993 “In-the-Car Coffee Maker.” This invention allowed for brewing a fresh cup of coffee right in your vehicle, complete with a splash guard for safe sipping. It’s the perfect solution for those mornings when every minute of sleep counts, and there’s no time to stop for a caffeine fix.

These patents showcase the lighter side of innovation, where creativity knows no bounds. While some of these inventions may not have made it into mainstream use, they certainly provide a chuckle and a reminder that the quest to stay awake has long been a source of human ingenuity. Who knows what the future holds for the world of wake-up gadgets? One thing is for sure: inventors will continue to think outside the box—or the bed, as the case may be.